Yikes. It’s been so long I don’t even know where to start! Obviously a lot has gone on since I last posted, but that’s not what I want to focus on this time.
Today is all about priorities (funny that I’m writing this while there’s a project waiting for me on my desk…). I’ve been letting things slip that shouldn’t be. I’ve been focusing on things that may seem all-consuming and super important right now... But in the long run they don’t mean anything. All while pushing things to the back burner that should ALWAYS be my main focus in life.
Let’s start with the big G.O.D. I mean HELLO…what could possibly be more important. And yet, my relationship with GOD had been FAR from the top of my priority list. And man have I been feeling the guilt. There is absolutely NO excuse. How can I not spend daily time with the GOD who created me, forgives me for all of the horrible things I do, and gave me my most precious gift…maia. It’s time to start re-focusing on living my life in a way that’s pleasing to Him, not doing whatever pleases me. From the outside looking in, would someone be able to see that I am a Christian and I’m living my life in a way that’s different? Ya…I don’t think so. And that needs to change.
Next on the list – mommyness. Ohhh my goodness. I have never been someone with a whole ton of patience, but I am getting a crash course in it these days! I know that maia is needing more “mommy time” than ever and I need to get way better at focusing my attention on her when we are together. There are always a million little things that I need/want to do. But I need to learn that the majority of those things can wait until maia is asleep. She needs attention and love just like every other person, and I need to be way better at providing those things for her. My sweet baby angel.
And who can forget … SCHOOL! UGH is it dec 2012 yet!? You never know how much other stuff there is to do until you are supposed to be studying haha. Somehow I’ve managed so far in my college career to get by with barely any effort/studying. I’ll study the night before (if even) and still pull out a pretty decent grade. But I could be doing better, and I SHOULD be doing better. School is a privilege and I need to start treating it like that. How many young moms out there would love to be going to college but just don’t have the opportunity? And here I am taking it for granted. I need to start putting in the work and getting the grades that I know I can get. This may mean not falling asleep at 8/9 every night with maia (gasp haha) or watching my shows on the rare night that I do stay up late. Whenever I get a grade that’s below what I know is possible I always think “man…just a few more hours of studying and I could’ve done way better” well, how many times do I have to think that before I actually make a change? It needs to happen and I am going to MAKE it happen!
I need to help around the house without being asked (I mean…im 21, living with my parents with no rent and no bills…I need to realize the awesomeness of this and start pitching in WAY more).
I need to set a good example for maia in the way that I treat my family. I get aggravated and lose my temper…then wonder why maia thinks she can get away with having a bad attitude. WHOOPS time to start looking inwards a little more
I need to vocalize my thankfulness and feelings more. Most of y’all know that emotions are #1 on my “do not talk about list” stupid stupid stupid! Non-communication NEVER solves anything!!
I think the reason that I’m putting all of this out there is because I want to be held accountable.
I want to do these things and I want my life to be an example to others.
I want to stand out of the crowd.
I want to be different.
I want it to be obvious that I am living my life for GOD ..not for me.
Oh and just to add on to this novel of a post. Can I just say how BEYOND thankful I am to have an amazing man who puts up with my crapiness and daily emotional roller coasters? I am the luckiest girl in the world to have him by my side. He helps me realize what’s important, he isn’t scared to confront issues that aren’t necessarily fun to talk about. And he treats me and maia like the princesses we are ;] haha. He has stepped up to a BIG plate and isn’t afraid of what all it entails. He accepts me for who I am and pushes me to be better. I couldn’t be happier.
I love you :]
